My therapist and I have been discussing mania, my views of it and how it affects me. When I’m “manic” I feel as if I’m on top of the world and I am ravenous for constant movement. I think it can be fun to be manic because it shrouds the depression I feel so well that at some points I’ve induced it just because I wanted to not be so sad. It’s my own type of painkiller. It gives me more confidence, it makes me feel great, it’s a hard thing to give up which is why I go off my meds so often. I know it’s like smoking or drinking in a way it’s how I repress my terrible thoughts, and sad memories acting like nothings wrong and nothing ever happened. But once I go back on those meds and come out of a manic episode everything floods back. Experiencing mania is one of my main vices.
*this is just my opinion and the way I feel